Have you ever picked up a crying baby? How do you sooth her? Chances are you hold her close, stroking her back while gently rocking. When a baby is in pain, whether it is physical or emotional pain, what do we do? We touch. We hold. We are naturally drawn to comfort infants with caring touch.
But what about a very old person? Are we as willing to comfort with the same touch we offered the baby? Most likely not. It seems with an old or frail person, we are more comfortable with distance and our willingness to touch diminishes.
We live in a culture that deems the aged and ill as “untouchable” in many ways. It is no secret that our society values youth. An image of a very old body is not exactly what our culture teaches us as desirable and, therefore touchable. Many people are fearful of touching a very frail and aged person, as evidenced in such statements as-“I’m afraid I might hurt her.”, “I’m afraid if I touch, it will be considered inappropriate.” “I don’t know how to touch.”
Another basic fear is prevalent: the fear of aging. To connect with an elder through touch is a powerful way of relating. It can bring up in us our own beliefs and attitudes about aging and mortality. This experience can be like looking into a mirror that shows us things about ourselves that we may not want to see and we become witness to a very raw human experience. In these moments, we have a choice. We can turn away from our discomfort or we can embrace the opportunity to learn something of the journey of that we all share-growing older.
Touch is a human need that remains constant for one’s lifetime. An individual’s situation, age and condition may change, but the need for human contact does not.
In fact in times of discomfort one’s need for human touch may actually increase. Individuals who require care in a facility or hospital are often deprived of nurturing touch and physical closeness. When professional or family caregivers attend to a person, it is often with a particular goal or task in mind- there are medical needs, personal care needs, mobility needs that must be met. Although touch is certainly a part of these tasks, the intention is completing task, not connection with the individual. This is different from a compassionate touch- the kind of focused touch that has the power to soften physical, emotional and spiritual pain and suffering.
Care of an ill or aged person is complex and requires the caregiver’s close attention. But imagine if we, “the experts” stopped doing and dropped our agenda for a moment to simply be present with and touch the individual? It is in these moments that we are truly in service. Through the power of touch, we can reclaim what is sacred in caring for our elders, for when one is touched with a compassionate heart, it creates a sacred moment.
